True Life: Recruiters

I get contacted by job recruiters constantly. Mostly while I’m at my current job. It’s one of the perils that come with agency life (see also: billing your time, the worst invention known to man). Your information is all over the internet and has been forwarded to everyone everywhere in the hopes that your company can get clients because it’s a word-of-mouth, relationship-type business. So they know how to contact you. That’s all it takes.

Sometimes they call:

Lauren, I have the perfect job for you. We’ve done our research and you’re perfect for it. Oh you’re not interested? Well do you know someone else who might be?

I thought I was perfect for it.

Sometimes they LinkedIn:

Hi Lauren,

I know we spoke three years ago when you really needed a job and would have KILLED to have me find you one, but now that you’re gainfully employed and no longer need anything from me, I’m going to finally contact you. I have this job opening which is exactly what you told me you were NOT interested in when we first spoke, but what the hell, that was three years ago! Are you interested?

If you aren’t interested, can you forward this to someone who might be?

And sometimes, like today, they send an email to your entire team alias (including your supervisor) but addressed personally to you:

Hi Lauren,

My name is Sue* and I am the assistant to Someone More Important, an executive recruiter for Random Acronym Search. We are particularly looking for candidates with a background in what you did when you first left college and have not done since then. If you know of anyone who may be interested in these opportunities, please feel free to pass on our information to them. Or, if you are interested, please forward on a copy of your resume and I will be happy to schedule a call for you and Someone More Important to get acquainted. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,


Sure, Sue. I’ll just reply all so my supervisor is sure to know that I’m leaving their company for YOURS because your email was just so exciting, I couldn’t help myself.

After some fun emailing back and forth with my team members, my supervisor replies to Sue:


Lauren is our employee. She has signed her life away to us in blood. We will have contractual ownership of her spawn and her spawn’s spawn and so forth until the end of time. Mwahahahah.

Go bark up another tree…

-Lauren’s Supervisor

More random emails back and forth between team members discussing if my supervisor has ruined my relationship with all recruiters henceforth (which would be awesome), and suddenly we get an email back from Sue:

Don’t listen to them Lauren. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the industry as father and son!

In all seriousness though, I apologize for the mix-up and I’ll make sure my research assistant avoids sending emails to the group alias from now on. 🙂

Best regards,


At least it seems like recruiters have a sense of humor.

*Names and details changed to protect the innocent and my job

4 responses to “True Life: Recruiters

  1. I always knew that your true calling was writing for a comedy series!

  2. Awesome post, I still get similar job spam from when I worked in a marketing position and worked for a couple of contractors still trying to recruit me for projects.

  3. Heh, hilarious. The hubster gets recruited often but his stories aren’t nearly as funny. Maybe techie recruiters don’t have the same sordid sense of humor? 🙂

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